Human Centipede

We watched this movie on the 4th of July with some friends. (You know who you are) If bad times bring people closer together, we are now forever attached to these friends. Some experiences you just can't forget.

Let it be known, before I continue, that David picked out the movie. And Jim paid 7 whole dollars for it. If anyone is to blame, it is one of them.

Human Centipede is a film about a psychopathic doctor who dreams of creating new creatures out of humans. He attaches people together to create a dog-like being that he can control. The actor playing the doctor is super creepy looking, which very tight face skin, and really fits the part. The actors playing the centipede are either into anal fetishes or really desperate for money.

Really folks, you have to see it for yourself. I've heard Jim has $7 to go toward a bad movie.

1 1/2 stars - all for creativity and the audacity to actually produce this film. *shudders*

Planet 51

Animated movie about a human arriving on a distant planet, only to discover that this planet is a lot like Earth. The characters are cute, the music is good, and it has some good ol' McCarthy paranoia for good measure. Nothing profound in this movie, but it could be a useful lesson for kids in acceptance. Good clean fun!

3 stars

Surrogate

Saturday afternoon movie time. Just what the doctor ordered!

First we watched Surrogate. It has Bruce Willis and the robot version of Bruce Willis. He distracted me a bit in this role because he is not as spry and delicious anymore. (Sorry Bruce!) He's still hot but not immediate eye candy. And the robot him had odd hair. Of course, all the robots did, but *my* favorite Bruce 'do is bald. He is a sexy man.

*clears throat* Take 2!

Surrogate is set in the future and is about these robots that people control remotely with their minds. Most middle and upper class folks use them instead of walking around and being themselves out in the real world. Bruce and wife has some marital drama on the side, but really it is about how people aren't going out in the world any more. The robots reminded me of The Sims, which was amusing. There are people that refuse to live around the robots, preferring to live in slums. There is drama involved, and enough of it to keep me interested, but the robots are the main focus of the movie.

Would I watch it again? Yes. Would I buy it? Nope. If someone bought it for me would I return it? Naw, but I'm also pretty lazy.

2 1/2 starts

Hot

It would be significantly easier to live in Texas if I did better in the heat. Unfortunately, my overly-Caucasian self can sunburn at night, which makes the heat even worse. I get tense, like the sun is going to attack me or something. It gives me headaches. And makes me red. Something I have to get over, sure, but I don't have to like it.

Lonely

I'll admit it, sometimes I feel so lonely I can hardly breathe. I feel completely ignored. I get paranoid, wonder if I'm being shunned. I am able to fake it, even forget it for a few minutes, but most of the time I'm miserable and wanting to cry.

I have chosen to walk away from a women's forum because of these feelings. The women are not being hurtful or neglectful, or at least not intentionally, but it powerfully amplifies what I already feel. I already miss it. I care about these women. And I've come to remember how much it hurts to care for someone when they don't care for you. It takes a bit of your spirit away. I need to protect myself from the hurt.

I wonder how long this will last. I wonder if I will give in and get medicine. I wonder if I'll survive.

Adventures in Sitting

I was thinking about the Babysitters Club books the other day. I didn't read many of them, mainly because I wasn't allowed to at school because I was an advanced reader, and partly because my life mirrored them so much that it wasn't entertaining. Who needs fictional babysitters when you're chasing after your little brother? Anyhow, I realized how absolutely sexist those books really were. Geesh, the message that women should be raising kids and washing dishes is everywhere.

This is what I ponder whilst I sit.

Do you think it would be easier for me to sit (and not physically help my kids, take care of the house, or run errands) if I were male? I could do my husband's job while sitting. (Of course, I'm not quite sure what he does, but I know it requires computer work and sitting) I can't do my "job" while sitting. Or at least not all of it.

I really think my expectations are being skewed by this stinking society I've been raised in. I like to think I'm useful. Sitting isn't useful.

I think I need to do some research on things that I can do while sitting. And, while I'm doing my research, I'll sit!

Julie and Julia

(I've been trying to sit, and watching movies seems to help me keep my ass connected to the couch. Please excuse the rampant movie-watching.)

I've been wanting to watch this movie for quite a while, simply because Julia Child was part of the movie plot. My mom was a checker at a grocery store while Dad went to Harvard. Julia Child went through Mom's lane. She was apparently tall and nice. And, since she was famous and still was nice to the check out girl, I like her.

The movie started out with a fast enough plot to keep my attention, but then soon began to drag. I suppose, to be fair, it would be difficult to write a quick-paced action-y sort of movie about cooking, and the writers did the best that they could. Meryl Streep was a wonderful Julia Child. I wonder if they modified the sets to make her look taller. (I bet they did). All the rest of the acting was good, but with nobody to compare to it, was not remarkable. The food, however, looked delicious.

Both Julie and Julia talked a lot whilst their husbands patiently listened. Reminded me a lot of my own marriage. After discussing it for about 15 minutes with my husband, all the while he was listening intently, he said he was going to bed. I can't imagine staying quiet that long. Good thing he found me to listen to or he'd be terribly bored.

All in all, 3 1/2 out of 5. I would buy the movie if it were cheap enough, but I wouldn't pay full price. And I want a string of pearls to wear while cooking dinner.

Sunshine Cleaning

This movie was not nearly as funny as I thought it would be. It was morbid and gross and dark - but still somehow entertaining enough for me to watch it until the end.

The characters were both so sad though, and I found it difficult to believe that two people that sad would ever get up the ooomph to actually start a business. Still, I have a great respect for people who clean up crime scenes and the like, and the movie was respectful toward the dead and the people in that profession.

I really hope I die somewhere public enough that I don't sit and rot for a while before someone finds me.

2 Stars, folks.

Signs

I've already seen this movie before, as has most everyone else in America. Mom hadn't seen it yet, and that posed too good an opportunity to pass up. So away we went, watching aliens invade Earth.

I'm not a big Mel Gibson fan. I can't see him in anything else besides associated with Passion of the Christ. All that Christian media hype ruined him for me. (Not that I have anything against Passion of the Christ, the media just sort of annoyed me) If you ignore the fact that the character Graham is played by Gibson, the movie is pretty darn good. Aliens are scary. And aliens that can blend in the background, yikes! One of the most redeeming qualities about the movie is the Hershey Kiss hats out of tin foil. I think they are a stroke of genius.

A solid 3 out of 5 stars.

Sit Down! (again)

In the never-ending healing after a total hip replacement, I've been ordered to sit. Again. Apparently I am doing "too much," which may not be entirely accurate. The doctor and nurse think they know more about artificial joints than I. I think they're used to talking to 70 year olds that don't have children to carry, houses to keep, play dates to play at, or YMCA classes to do. So, I am trying to take it easy for a bit, and pretend to be old.

So, to the couch I go, watching copious amounts of television, and letting my bone grow around my leg.

I'm also taking 9-ish Motrin a day.

And Mom is back, carrying the baby and taking care of things.

I'm so glad to have the help (Thanks Mom, I owe you one!...or three!) but I like living my life. I'm not 70 and don't do well acting as though I am. I am tragically bored. But I do have a few little goals to keep me occupied.

#1. Netflixs Wii. All movies, all the time. Some of them are horrible, but I'm willing to try anything once. I prefer this movie rental method over Blockbuster.com, which is amazing as I am an avid Blockbuster fan.

#2. Logic puzzles. I suck at them. I want to get better. So I am going to buy a book of them and practice until I get one right.

#3. VBS. Ok, this one isn't really for me. My son loves church, because there are kids there, so he is going to three VBS's this summer. Pretty good for the child of a mixed marriage (one Christian, one Atheist - never telling which one is which.)

#4. Getting caught up on "Weeds." See #1 for more specifics.

Grow bone grow!!!