Shhhhh

I am an otter.  No really, I am.  There is a personality index that puts personalities into four categories: lion, golden retriever, beaver, and otter.  The otter talks a lot, is social, won't shut up, is impulsive.  If you ask me to join you I will say "yes" before I know what you're going to say.  This poses all sorts of problems - from fights with family to impulsively signing up to volunteer for everything - but it is also kind of fun.  Being an otter is an adventure; otters like adventures so it is a good fit.  

As you might guess I tend to put my opinion on here, FB, boards, emails, bumper stickers on my car, clothing for myself and the kids, etc.  I don't intend to change someone's mind necessarily.  I really like talking about issues.  Not a monologue, but a discussion about a topic.  It gets my blood going - thinking about something from the another person's point of view, defending what I think, even (gulp) changing what I think.  It is an amazing feeling for this otter.  

I wondered today if it bothered some folk that I post things all over like Aubrey-graffiti.  I am opinionated.  If you visit my fb page you will see something sociopolitical.  You can identify my car immediately because of the bumper stickers.  I wear buttons, talk to people, smile at folks that have similar shirts/stickers.  

Then the doubt creeps in.  Everyone disagrees with me.  (Well, I *am* in Texas, so that is a true assessment.)  I am annoying or immature for speaking my mind.  Nobody cares what I think - I am not that important.  I should just go with the flow, stop making a fool of myself.

Then my otter becomes Super Otter, complete with cape.  My opinion IS important.  I have the right to express it to whomever and however I please.  If a person doesn't agree with the message or medium they can discuss it with me.  (Oh please, I love The Banter)  If that is too scary, feel free to ignore me.  I don't mind.  Hell, I'm an otter, I won't even notice.  But never expect me to shut up.

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

David has been wanting to watch the american version of this movie since it came out. Let's face it, the score was written by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, directed by David Fincher.  I could have been a cartoon about an elephant - he was going to watch it. 

The movie was relatively long and complex.  Not long to the point of disinterest nor complex enough to be exhausting.  A lot of character and plot development.  Haunting graphic scenes, a strong sense of justice both run through the movie.  Enough moments of levity to keep it enjoyable.  History meets technology, family secrets meet the light of day.  Really the story is fantastic.

I am looking forward to reading the book.  I have never met a movie that was better than the book on which it was based.  Despite the length and sadness of the movie, I did not want it to end. 

I always judge a movie based on two factors.  One, would I watch it again?  Two, would I own it.  Yes on both accounts.  I can not give it five out of five stars, as this is a rating saved for the absolute best of the best.  I will however give it 4 1/2 stars.  A job well done. 



I will return to writing about some sociological irritant tomorrow.  It is respite Wednesday my lovelies.

"Those people."  Two words that communicate disdain and elitism.  Words that I hate...they are the way 'polite company' discusses shared bigotry without getting too close to off-collar vocabulary.  Bigotry in code.  Oh my, sophisticated bigotry.  I thought that bigotry only happened when "those people" don't like people that are the 'wrong' color.  (Insert eye-roll here, please.)*

Bigotry is wrong.  No person is better than any other person.  Let me say it again, NO person is better than any other person.  People make different choices, have different lives.  We are all the same, start out all the same.  All that energy thinking you're better than someone else.  C'mon, seriously?  Give it up.  Bigotry reeks of a low self esteem.  

No worries though, we're all the same - low self esteem or not.  

*I am tired and got a little happy with the quotation marks.  Forgive me.

Ok, ok - I'm weird

There have been some things going on kid-wise that have made it hard for me to focus and feel calm.  Oldest kid is having a hard time in school and at home and I've been worried.  Add on my panic disorder and I am in a constant state of stress.  I need to find a way to combat that before it impacts my health.  Heck, I'd love to have the right word come out of my mouth every once in a while.  Stress does bad things to the noggin.  

A lot of people use relaxation techniques such as meditation, prayer, music, working out, and reading to calm their brains.  Those things work for me.  But what works better than anything else is stirring the shit. 

I love banter. Political, social, religions, equality, etc.  I really love to use my brain that way.  I feel like I'm respectful in my banter and expect the cross-banter-er to also be respectful.  I have found stirring the shit on Facebook to be especially fun.  So many banter opportunities!  

The partner has been suggesting that I read something political to distract me from my parenting struggles.  I love this idea and will take it one step further and comment on the article.  I am smart and opinionated; I should be sharing all of this with the world!  Really, it does me good to say it.  I really refuse to shut up.  

So there it is, a blog post about my future blog posts.  Not the most exciting thing ever written; consider it a warning.  I absolutely refuse to shut up.

The Help

I have been wanting to watch this movie ever since I heard of it: basically a chick flick, actresses I enjoy, and Civil Rights!  Please sign me up.  However, as is typical right now, no movie in the theater for me.  (Not complaining, that's just where we are at)  But, Blockbuster and I got together and I rented the movie.

It wasn't the most brilliantly written, acted, or directed movie in history.  I don't think it will win any awards, although I think Viola Davis is remarkable in this movie.  But it gives a history lesson within a charming story.  It highlights southern culture in the 1960's from both the black and the white point of view.  Men aren't mentioned much in this movie; the main focus is on the women and the 'homemaker' culture of the time.  Despite its lack of a full representation, I feel like it gave a great snapshot into life at that time.  Besides, men weren't involved in domestic affairs anyhow - perhaps their absence is perfectly appropriate.

One of the few movies I would purchase.

4 1/2 stars

'Tis the Season

I wish I was writing a super happy, woohoo it is Christmas sort of blog...but not today.  I'm sure it will happen, I will get there.  But right now I'm in the middle of self-induced Mama Guilt. 

You see, we don't buy a lot of presents.  Some of it is economical, some of it is practical (space limitations), but most of it is because we think our kids don't NEED a lot of toys.  David and I agree on this, the kids don't know anything different, and I think we purchase more intentional presents when we can only pick one.

Cue Guilt.

"I should buy them more." "They will feel deprived." "I don't care about their childhood memories."  And the worst (for me) "They will think that we didn't care about them."  Sigh, it is horrible.

These moments happen often for me.  Not taking them to see the 'best' Santa, not purchasing new clothes for them, not taking enough pictures, not purchasing matching pjs for them, etc.  The number of ways I can doubt myself is almost embarrassing. 

'Tis the season to question everything I am as a mom.  Good thing it will end December 25th when I see the joy on their faces and realize none of the rest matters.

Three blogs in one?

I have three (or maybe four) blog posts to write about.  Wait, make that five.  Yes, five.  But I think I am going to separate them.  Otherwise, I will be exceptionally ramble-y.  Or boring, or annoying, or make no sense.  All of which are probable on each individual blog post, but I like to think that I sometimes make sense.  Ah well, we shall see.

I will start with the most heavy post, to scare away folks.  See, I'm uppity and only want nice people that can read my blog and not leave to read my blog.  I'm also really self-centered and want nice people around me generally.  It is just a thing.

Recently I have had several deep conversations with someone whom I love dearly.  To be frank, some of these conversations have been intense.  Let it be known that I don't think intensity is a bad thing at all; sometimes the only way that we realize something is up is through intense conversation(s).  I'm cool with intensity.  I'm also really happy with this one particular outcome: I am having new ways to analyze my own personality. 

I think we get complacent and don't stop to think about what is going on in our heads.  Or we get cocky, I'm not sure which.  Lazy perhaps.   In any case, I was definitely there, a combination of all three, facing a lifetime of not thinking.  These conversations really sparked something in me, and the self-examination has begun.

It is a work in progress.  Right now I'm really considering the idea of personality and how different personalities interact.  See, I'm a social person.  Some may call me chatty, extroverted, impulsive, speaks before thinking, passionate, annoying, random, and/or distractable.  And all of those are correct.  And I've been struggling through that.  Some of those attributes aren't terribly attractive.  If you come up to me and say "Hey, ya wanna _______?" I will say yes before I know what _______ is.  And that really can be hard for some people, my husband especially. 

But I've come to the realization that I don't want to change my personality.  I think it is pretty hardwired at this point, and while I can work on making some of it less obnoxious to others, I'm not willing to change it.  Secondly, I like it.  I like being outgoing, impulsive, chatty, random.  I don't like the attention I receive for those traits (often negative) but I like that I'm a bit 'different.'  It is very much part of my identity.  Finally, the way to change my personality is to mute the whole darn thing.  That isn't going to work either.  I like the passionate joy I feel, it comes with passionate sadness too, but I'm really ok with that.  It is part of the package and I'd rather have all of it than just the happy.  

The mixing of personalities is difficult.  My dear friend and former roommate has been patiently watching me babble for half our lives.  My husband realizes that I will both change conversation topics and start conversations in the middle most of the time.  My best friend now knows that I will pop in with questions about peas in the middle of something else, and if I'm asked to go out, I'm there.  But that's the awesome part, we all learn what makes each person tick and love them for it.  It is pretty amazing.  I love variety, and surrounding yourself with people different from you is a really, really good thing.

Hey, ya wanna go out?