The Help

I have been wanting to watch this movie ever since I heard of it: basically a chick flick, actresses I enjoy, and Civil Rights!  Please sign me up.  However, as is typical right now, no movie in the theater for me.  (Not complaining, that's just where we are at)  But, Blockbuster and I got together and I rented the movie.

It wasn't the most brilliantly written, acted, or directed movie in history.  I don't think it will win any awards, although I think Viola Davis is remarkable in this movie.  But it gives a history lesson within a charming story.  It highlights southern culture in the 1960's from both the black and the white point of view.  Men aren't mentioned much in this movie; the main focus is on the women and the 'homemaker' culture of the time.  Despite its lack of a full representation, I feel like it gave a great snapshot into life at that time.  Besides, men weren't involved in domestic affairs anyhow - perhaps their absence is perfectly appropriate.

One of the few movies I would purchase.

4 1/2 stars

'Tis the Season

I wish I was writing a super happy, woohoo it is Christmas sort of blog...but not today.  I'm sure it will happen, I will get there.  But right now I'm in the middle of self-induced Mama Guilt. 

You see, we don't buy a lot of presents.  Some of it is economical, some of it is practical (space limitations), but most of it is because we think our kids don't NEED a lot of toys.  David and I agree on this, the kids don't know anything different, and I think we purchase more intentional presents when we can only pick one.

Cue Guilt.

"I should buy them more." "They will feel deprived." "I don't care about their childhood memories."  And the worst (for me) "They will think that we didn't care about them."  Sigh, it is horrible.

These moments happen often for me.  Not taking them to see the 'best' Santa, not purchasing new clothes for them, not taking enough pictures, not purchasing matching pjs for them, etc.  The number of ways I can doubt myself is almost embarrassing. 

'Tis the season to question everything I am as a mom.  Good thing it will end December 25th when I see the joy on their faces and realize none of the rest matters.

Three blogs in one?

I have three (or maybe four) blog posts to write about.  Wait, make that five.  Yes, five.  But I think I am going to separate them.  Otherwise, I will be exceptionally ramble-y.  Or boring, or annoying, or make no sense.  All of which are probable on each individual blog post, but I like to think that I sometimes make sense.  Ah well, we shall see.

I will start with the most heavy post, to scare away folks.  See, I'm uppity and only want nice people that can read my blog and not leave to read my blog.  I'm also really self-centered and want nice people around me generally.  It is just a thing.

Recently I have had several deep conversations with someone whom I love dearly.  To be frank, some of these conversations have been intense.  Let it be known that I don't think intensity is a bad thing at all; sometimes the only way that we realize something is up is through intense conversation(s).  I'm cool with intensity.  I'm also really happy with this one particular outcome: I am having new ways to analyze my own personality. 

I think we get complacent and don't stop to think about what is going on in our heads.  Or we get cocky, I'm not sure which.  Lazy perhaps.   In any case, I was definitely there, a combination of all three, facing a lifetime of not thinking.  These conversations really sparked something in me, and the self-examination has begun.

It is a work in progress.  Right now I'm really considering the idea of personality and how different personalities interact.  See, I'm a social person.  Some may call me chatty, extroverted, impulsive, speaks before thinking, passionate, annoying, random, and/or distractable.  And all of those are correct.  And I've been struggling through that.  Some of those attributes aren't terribly attractive.  If you come up to me and say "Hey, ya wanna _______?" I will say yes before I know what _______ is.  And that really can be hard for some people, my husband especially. 

But I've come to the realization that I don't want to change my personality.  I think it is pretty hardwired at this point, and while I can work on making some of it less obnoxious to others, I'm not willing to change it.  Secondly, I like it.  I like being outgoing, impulsive, chatty, random.  I don't like the attention I receive for those traits (often negative) but I like that I'm a bit 'different.'  It is very much part of my identity.  Finally, the way to change my personality is to mute the whole darn thing.  That isn't going to work either.  I like the passionate joy I feel, it comes with passionate sadness too, but I'm really ok with that.  It is part of the package and I'd rather have all of it than just the happy.  

The mixing of personalities is difficult.  My dear friend and former roommate has been patiently watching me babble for half our lives.  My husband realizes that I will both change conversation topics and start conversations in the middle most of the time.  My best friend now knows that I will pop in with questions about peas in the middle of something else, and if I'm asked to go out, I'm there.  But that's the awesome part, we all learn what makes each person tick and love them for it.  It is pretty amazing.  I love variety, and surrounding yourself with people different from you is a really, really good thing.

Hey, ya wanna go out?

Boundaries

You know, sometimes being a stay at home mom really sucks.  I'm not talking about the social isolation, or the poopy diapers, or the lack of a paycheck.  Those things are bothersome but being at home with my kids is rewarding in other ways and it all works out.  The part that really puts my panties in a bunch is something else - the lack of respect by people that earn a paycheck.

This shows up in a lot of ways, and I'm not going to list all of them here.   One, it would be a more depressing blog than it already is.  Two, I don't have time to type it all out, I have laundry to fold.  But here's the scoop - I am not able to meet/do something for you/jump at your command.  Not for family, not the school, not the church, not doctor's offices, etc.  I have a job.  And while that job doesn't have a paystub, it is still a job.  A job that I take seriously.  You wouldn't expect me to drop everything and come running if I earned a wage.  What's the difference?

You should probably know something about me:  I am really good at setting boundaries.  I've had a lot of practice.  Furthermore I'm stubborn as hell.  If you demand from me, I will sit quietly and look at you like you've grown a third eye.  No arguments, no fuss.  I will tell you that won't work for me, and give you no excuses.  No is a one word sentence.  I know this for a fact - I have a two year old. 

Just be respectful of your fellow humans.  Trust that they are doing good for humanity, as much as you are and maybe a bit more.  Realize that their needs, time, and self-respect are important.

And use your manners, Mama said. 

Bridesmaids

I haven't written about the (gazillion) movies we watch around here.  Ok, so sometimes we only watch 15 minutes of the movie, but I only write about movies I've seen all the way through.

So, here it goes: Bridesmaids.

I was expecting some sort of sassy, slightly annoying movie about how wonderful women are together.  Which, let's face it, is often fictional.  But I loved that there was a woman stealing the thunder and running the whole thing.  I identified with the jealousy.  And I found this movie both entertaining and something I could see myself in.  Well done, (probably) male white writers, well done.

Would I purchase this movie?  Nope.  Would I keep it if given to me?  Probably.  Would I seek it out to watch it with my best girlfriends?  Absolutely.  The fact that one character reminded me of a friend makes it that much more necessary to watch it with others.

You know, the best part about this movie is that I saw it with one of my favorite people.  She and I haven't been to a movie sans kids, and while I like Megamind, I really like a grown up movie.  Huzzah for Girl's Night Out!

3 solid stars

P.S.  Don't stick around for the scene after the credits.  Trust me.  I'm still in therapy for that one.

Everyday is exactly the same

except when it isn't.

I often wondered what stay at home moms did during the day. I can't still exactly tell you, but I can tell you it is a lot of hard work. The time I'm not "doing something" I'm trying to stay sane and talk to adults. You know the drill, right? It is all fine and dandy until momma needs to lock herself in the bathroom for a bit.

Still, we've got a routine:
6:30 - I'm up
6:30-7:00 - I'm attempting to wake up David
7:05 - I threaten to push him out of the bed, he gets up
7:06 - Sebastian wakes up and yells "IT IS MORNING BABY!" - to Karma
7:07 - 7:30 - We argue and force Sebastian to get ready for school
7:30 - 11:00 - Periodic feeding of the Karma, cleaning up her messes, and entertaining
11:00 - Feed the Karma officially
12:00 - Karma naps - I struggle to regain use of my brain.
2:00 - Wake up Karma, get off to get Sebastian from school
3:00 - 5:30 - Survive with both kids. I often say "Don't lay on your sister". Periodic feeding.
5:30 - Start supper, continued "Don't lay on your sister"
6:30-7:15 - Supper consumption
7:30 - 8:15 - Bedtime
8:15 - 11:00 - Housework, sanity exercises.

It is a good life. It is also a crazy life.

My expectations

My goal is to blog every day. Of course, the only person who I know reads it often is Austin, with whom I talk to frequently anyhow. But what if someone WANTS to read it? I must be diligent.

I took my oldest to the doctor today. Things went fine, he has allergies and can't hear, but that is nothing new. I thought we had made it without too much dramatics until The Dreaded Blood Draw. Now, does he get upset because it will hurt? Nope. Scared? Nope. It is the blood that helps him play video games. Without those few drops of blood he is nothing. Tragic.

Luckily he has had some food, some milk, and is training his new blood on fine, skilled video game playing. Saved until another day.