Faith

I don't write too much on here about faith.  Partially because I'm typically all riled up about something else, partially because my faith is both important and private to me.  

I'll spare you some of the details but I will tell you that I am a member of a Disciples of Christ church.  If you're unfamiliar with this denomination it is a Protestant denomination focused on the similarities of the Christian world rather than the differences.  All are welcome to take communion, for example.  I think we're a more liberal denomination in our beliefs (as we don't focus on any common belief except for believing except taking Jesus as our Lord) but our services tend to be more conservative.  A lot of people want a more .... interesting?  entertaining? service, and I really like services with bands, praise, etc.  It is just more important to me to belong to a church that shares my beliefs. 

God told me no the other day.  (Interesting, I mistyped and wrote "God told me know the other day.")  I was asked if I wanted to play a specific role in the church, prayed about it, felt good about it.  Then God said 'no' via a deciding committee.  Not some big booming voice although a big booming voice would be awesome.  I was super sad about it.  When I grow up I want to work in pastoral care, and this role is a smaller version of that.  It sounded great, like the right thing.  I'll admit, I cried when I found out that I won't be serving this role.  

Then it hit me.  God wanted me to think, talk, and pray about it, but I'm not ready to actually DO it. 

Could I do the fundamentals of the job?  Probably.  The fundamentals include making phone calls and saying prayers occassionally.  I could do that part.  But could I provide the care that I would feel called to provide?  Simply put, I don't know.  

Church can be tricky business for me.  I love my church.  I want to join every committee, take meals to everyone who might have a cold, work every fundraiser, sing in the choir, do multiple Bible studies, and help each one of those kids in that church.  But do I have the ability to do these things well?  No, I'm not.  Not long-term anyhow. 

But I can pray about, then DO what God needs me to do.  We give financially and the spouse is doing a (way to fancy) website and tshirt design for the church.  We donate time and energy to the church in a variety of ways.  And I feel like we're bringing our unique gifts to God's table.  God will grow me like a Chia Pet, i.e. slowly but steadily, and I will be able to take on different/more responsibilities.  God said "not yet."