Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Screw you Shame

Ok, I'm just going to say it.  I have mental illnesses.  Seriously, two of them.  One is plenty - trust me.  But I have two.  And it sucks.

I have been diagnoses with Bipolar Disorder.  For my old school friends it is "Manic Depressive" Disorder.  Really, the old school version is much more descriptive.  I can be up high, on top of the world, then down so low.  Through medicine it is mostly under control.  I still go low, but I don't go super low.  I just get numb.  I am so thankful for medicine.

Wait, I said two diagnoses. 

I am also diagnosed with a Panic Disorder.  This is like anxiety on crack.  A Generalized Anxiety Disorder will cause you to be anxious all the time, without a specific reason.  A Panic Disorder adds fuel to that fire.  I will be fine - then I will be anxious - then I will have a panic attack.  Anywhere.  Anytime.  There is no predicting it because there is nothing that starts it.  I have had a panic attack because I couldn't reach the top shelf of the closet, because I found the card aisle in Wal-Mart, because the dog ate part of my lunch.  I also have medicine for this, with back up medicine...just in case.  It helps but the anxiety is still there.  It is always there.

So there you have it.  I am a "crazy person."  And I am telling the world about it?!  What the hell am I thinking?  

I am telling you, Dear Reader(s), for all the people I know also living with disabilities.  Maybe they have shame, maybe they are private - ahem, normal - sort of folk, maybe they are too deep in the disorder to be able to tell you.  They deserve to have a voice.  I humbly attempt to speak up on their behalf. 

Person with mental illness and her very normal little brother

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4 comments:

  1. Athena ReynoldsApril 25, 2012 at 6:27 AM

    I am right there with you in your crazy train. I am in the process of trying to narrow down my diagnosis. The severe depression is there and anxiety, but there is concerns that I may be OCD too. Not on any meds because I am nursing. (can't get the baby off the boob) ARGH!

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  2. nrhymesApril 25, 2012 at 7:47 AM

    :hugs: I was diagnosed with bi-polar last year after numerous doctors kept telling me I was just depressed. The medicine really makes a difference however I am going to try some more natural supplements to help with it instead. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's not an easy thing to say that you have that and I think it's great that you did. It sucks having that "crAzy" label!

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  3. BonnieApril 25, 2012 at 8:34 PM

    Keep the phone handy and call any time I can help. I happen to like crazy people, if they are like you! How is S doing?

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  4. surroBApril 25, 2012 at 9:24 PM

    ((((hugs)))) no shame. no guilt. it is what it is and now that you know, you can over come it. You are not even an ounce of crazy in my book, lady, so don't call my friend crazy :) Everyone has issues. They're just named something different for different people.

    More hugs from me. You know where I am and you know you can call me. Any time.

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