Lonely

I'll admit it, sometimes I feel so lonely I can hardly breathe. I feel completely ignored. I get paranoid, wonder if I'm being shunned. I am able to fake it, even forget it for a few minutes, but most of the time I'm miserable and wanting to cry.

I have chosen to walk away from a women's forum because of these feelings. The women are not being hurtful or neglectful, or at least not intentionally, but it powerfully amplifies what I already feel. I already miss it. I care about these women. And I've come to remember how much it hurts to care for someone when they don't care for you. It takes a bit of your spirit away. I need to protect myself from the hurt.

I wonder how long this will last. I wonder if I will give in and get medicine. I wonder if I'll survive.