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It is apparently Don't Respect People week and I have missed the notice. It is fine, really, as I would like to think I'd have a hard time intentionally treating poorly. It has been a hard week though. I am glad it is Thursday.
I must admit that I'm struggling this week. While I don't shut up when I have something to say, I fail miserably of thinking of something to say when someone is being rude. I was raised by one of the nicest people I know. Nice to a fault. Sacrifice nice. If she is miffed (the most anger to which she will admit) she suggests writing a polite note. Frankly that isn't doing it for me this week.
It is easy to cop out and say that it is all society's fault. And I really try to avoid such blanket statements. But it is certainly in my culture of origin to grin and take it rather than address something. To excuse the person cognitively and attempt to just forget about it. "Surely he didn't mean to, he's just having a bad day." I suppose it serves a purpose for us as well. We certainly are 'better than everyone' since we can look past all the hurt that a person has caused. Add in the bonus of being able to avoid conflict and I can understand the appeal.
I can't look past hurt. I can understand it, love the person anyhow, forgive easily. Forgetting the hurt isn't as easy. I am not sure any of us can do that, as much as we'd like to be able to. Pain is still there. Pain is cumulative. Even if it doesn't come from one source, the pain keeps building and building. People must be aware of this.
I'll take it one step further - we need to be aware of this, aware that what we say or do has consequences. Words can hurt.
So what do we do? Someone says something that has a sting, what do we do about it? I am definitely wrestling with this lately. However I think the only way to be kind to ourselves is to bring it up. Bring it up with kindness and compassion, but bring it up. Why? Because while we want to treat others with kindness, we often forget to treat ourselves with that same kindness. Surely we deserve it too.
Good for you! Stay tenacious! I know it takes a lot of energy, but this one is worth it.
ReplyDeleteI think word-stings also depend on WHO it is... if it's a stranger, it's easier to let go because you'll never see them again... at least it is for me.